yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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