i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
