just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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