The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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