She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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