I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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