Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
