Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
