Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
