I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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