Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
