know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
