I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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