I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
