Sry I called you an 8
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
