I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
