Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
