Need sex. Gaining weight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
