I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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