update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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