I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
