Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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