Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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