piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
