Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
