Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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