sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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