Already got asked if we're dating
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
