i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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