5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
