Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
