fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His hands were made for my vagina.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
