and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
