I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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