you guys were way drunker than both of me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My liver just had a heart attack.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
