A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
time to smoke my breakfast
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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