was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm really busy with my period
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