I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
