my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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