Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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