Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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