After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize