I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Two words: blizzard sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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