i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
