Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
