I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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