i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
