Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
