oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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