Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
