WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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