i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
