I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
