I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
