I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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