I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
