well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
