how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
