Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
