Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize