at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
