He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
