i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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