we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize