Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
