if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
