you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize