She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
