playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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