My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
