So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
