WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
