Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
