his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
