I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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