Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
