found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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