Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
