i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
