If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
