So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
