Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
