my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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