Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Boobs speak an international language.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
