My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
