That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
