dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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