i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Screwed.edu
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
