i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
